i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
