At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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