i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
