There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
