i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
