I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
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It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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