He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
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I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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