Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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