The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
