I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
