Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
