Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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