I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my shit smells like andre
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
