Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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