They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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