Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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