My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
