drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
