Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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