Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
