Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
