How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
