so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
