I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
you never un-have a 4some
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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