so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
