if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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