I could have mohawked her pubes.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
