I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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