Apparently you make a good broom.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
