I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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