It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
