who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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