WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sext me about skeletons
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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