your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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