I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
