As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
