I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
