You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
