Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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