youre lurking in front of me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
