They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
