Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
