i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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