I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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