my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
