I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
