if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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