I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize