It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
