i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
