Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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