So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
