I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
