this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
as a side note pls kill me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
