you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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