He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
